Today I am feeling so excited and happy and proud of myself for all of the progress I’ve made over the last few months! This morning, my yoga practice was much more intense than what I’ll usually do in the mornings, and it felt so good to see that I could actually do it! Until a few days ago, I couldn’t do downward dog because it would cause a lot of pain in my lower back, but these past few days I’ve been able to do it and it’s made my yoga practices feel so much more empowering. I’m just feeling really incredibly strong, and like all of the changes I’ve made to my life are paying off in such clear ways. My yoga practice made me really take stock of all the signs of my progress, and it turns out there are so many more than I even realized.
Like this morning when I was journaling, I just looked at my hands and saw my long nails, which are now strong and healthy because I’ve stopped biting them and picking at my cuticles, and it felt so exciting to see a physical sign of my lessening anxiety. And then I thought about my hair, and how its gotten so much stronger and softer and healthier since I started taking the time to do hair masks and use hair oil on the ends, and actually keep up with getting trims. Then I thought about my skin, and how looking at it I can tell how well rested and hydrated I am, and how I don’t have any redness anymore since I’ve started really devoting myself to my skincare routine. And then I thought about how much better my body feels, how much more full of energy and how much stronger it is since starting practicing yoga and going on regular walks and choosing delicious and nourishing food. And of course, there’s how much better I feel about my body, which is literally night and day from then to now. It turns out that the better I treat myself, the better I feel about myself.
I also just feel this drive now to do things that are good for me in the long-term. I’m not interested in instantaneous results like I used to be. I don’t want a quick fix for anything because I know that none of that is real. What I want are genuinely healthy and sustainable habits that are going to help me age well and stay healthy and strong as I get older. I honestly think that before, I didn’t really care about my long term health because a) I didn’t think I deserved to be happy, especially for a long period of time, and b) because I hated thinking about the future because I felt so miserable in the moment, and there didn’t seem to be a way out of that. Now that I’m happier and taking care of myself and feeling so much better about my life, I want to have habits that will benefit me in the long-run. I’m all about those long-term results these days. It’s interesting because the better care I took of myself, the more interested I naturally became in doing things that would take care of my life-long health. Like, I put sunscreen on every single day now, because like?? I do not want to be wrinkly or have skin cancer! How crazy? What a concept, honestly, that I can do things now to prevent problems for myself in the future. Groundbreaking of me to realize. And now that I have realized it, I literally cannot stop. I just want to do all of the things that are going to benefit me in the future. And it’s kind of amazing, because all of the things I’m doing for my present self are also benefiting my future self! It’s just a big beautiful cycle of self-care, and I’m pretty obsessed with it.
I’m just really excited and happy to be seeing actual progress. It’s really life-changing to be able to actual feel good about myself, and to be able to look at who I am now and see how different I am now, and how much closer I am to who I feel like I actually am. It’s nice to feel good, and honestly so wild that I’ve never really felt good about myself or my life until so recently. I’m just proud of myself. I feel good. I’m happy. And I never thought I would be or even could be, but here I am. I did it, and I’m doing it.
photo from @iuliastration